Growing up, again

What's with the name of this blog you might think. Well, I'm 32 yrs old and still growing up. Everyday I get to relive my youth through Lucy. All of her firsts become mine. A child sees the world as new and exciting. When she was born I felt like I was reborn. Reborn as a mother. She is teaching me just as much as I am her.  That is why I feel as if I'm still growing up. I mean geez, I just got my 1st mini van. Before I was driving a 96 Dodge Stratus. I feel like such a big girl now. Even though you'll her kids tunes coming from the finger and nose smeared windows. I used to look through my rear view mirror and see what I passed. Now when I look through it, I see my future sitting there bobbing her sweet little head to the music.
We went to a local farm market yesterday to get pumpkins and feed the animals. Lucy had so much fun that she went to bed crying. I asked her why she was crying. Her response "I was thinking about all the fun. Now it's all donnnnneeeeee". 3 years old and already crying about the happy things in her past. A week ago I was doing the same thing as I was taking down her crib to make room for her big girl bed. The similarities are uncanny between us,( well the woman species in general), not the situations. Sentimental doesn't have the word mental in it for no reason you know. At least I can joke about it now. A week ago, all I could do was sob when Lucy wasn't looking. I didn't want her to think that getting her big girl bed was sad or a bad thing. So the is gone, but the rocking chair remains. My last grip on her baby years. I'm like a 3-4 yr old gripping tightly to there pacifier as their parent holds out their hand. Knowing that if I hand it over, I'll never get it back. I'm still growing, still learning how to let go and to handle all of life's daily lessons.